i didn't have any words left so i lost myself in colors

by holden

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for ed


released December 2, 2016



all rights reserved
Track Name: seem
here under this tree i think of you
looking for signs from you
i still feel you as i run through the trees
seemingly without you
seemed to be without you

were you looking or did you find me when you stopped
will i find you again when i stop?
its dark where i am but i hear light chimes
is that you or the songs that i've been listening to?
i wish you had me to talk to
i wish i had you to talk to

are you sitting on that cliff again?
looking out or looking in
looking for me again
Track Name: the abyss that is you
water speaks in stillness and breathes of illness
its no longer as healthy as it used to be
little trees give me shade now
cover up that which is too bright for me to handle

i want to fall into the abyss that is you

reptile eyes
i embody
but only if i don't clear out the anxiety
memories of you help me
deer's sight against headlights met with your reptile eyes

i want to fall into the abyss that is you
not the pit where my dead body was thrown into
Track Name: burning leaves
my mouth tastes like cigarettes
and im sitting under this tree again
3 years later
people chatter

but i sit outside of it
under this tree that you climbed in
under the tree that we sat in
burning leaves
with crystals and other things

"you died that year" you said
i thought you left me but i left instead
both of us
with ouroboros
on the same arm but different places
same loss but different spaces (in time)
Track Name: headstone cover
hello my dear
it’s so nice to see you here
how long has it been?
oh it feels like years
but I’m sure it’s just been days

been walking around alone
drunk and missing you at home
you know I’ll never feel the same
or ask another girl to take my name

think I’ve been stopping by too much
don’t want you to get sick of me
on my way home from the copper coin
it’s this or I jump into the sea

and I will never forgive myself for not being there to protect you
i should have been at home instead of out trying to forget you
just one fight and I’m out the door
what kind of man am I?
i swore I’d never leave your side

hello my dear
it’s so hard to see you here
how long has it been since we put you in the ground?
oh it feels like days, but it’s been years
“oh, and please don’t call me baby, it’s just too hard to hear
too hard to hear
leave you flowers at your headstone
just sit and talk to you my dear”
my dear