surrender

by holden

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credits

released August 29, 2014

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Track Name: i'm losing it again
my head hurts
Track Name: gray eyes
this all encompassing melancholic mind
leave me be
everything is so gray in my eyes
i want to stuff my face in a box where i won't see anything

the dead animal on the road
why didn't i stop
why didn't i pick it up
give it a proper burial
because that's what it deserves
but no one wants to stop in the middle of the road
because we have really busy lives
very fast-paced lives
maybe if they run over me they'll stop and realize
or at least i hope

i'm not "sad"
"sad" is just invading my space right now
but this too will pass

bury me beneath the ground
that way i won't bother anyone
that way i won't bother me either

bury me beneath the ground
so that i won't be a burden
to everyone
and myself

cause i just sometimes don't really like myself
Track Name: at ease
i wouldn't mind if these mosquitoes
devoured my body
or if i got struck by lightning
your heartbeat lulls me to sleep
i've been so deprived of the flesh
my body decays but your breath
won't decay
and neither will mine
Track Name: content disarray
i'm in a state of content disarray
is that possible?
is it possible to be at ease when in a state of unease?

maybe i've reached a state of oneness
acceptance of this disoriented feeling that i get all too often

it's beautiful to me
it's a game
i can enjoy it
or go insane

but i get panicky
because things become not separate things
but as a whole
inside buildings i feel it all close in on me

my bed sheets merge into my skin
but this is just a visual perspective
i am only atoms anyways

maybe i'm finally starting to realize
to wake up from this concrete dream of mine
that isn't real
but what i feel
now is real
at least to me anyways

maybe i'm finally starting to realize
to wake up from this concrete dream of mine